Love, Murder & Mayhem: Read it Now: Missing Alien Baby Mama

Paul Kupperberg’s “The Case of the Missing Alien Baby Mama” is Paul’s newest wacky tale featuring investigative reporter Leo Persky, chasing the story of, naturally, a missing alien baby mama, and lots of dead bodies.

Here’s an early look:

The Case of the Missing Alien Baby Mama

By Paul Kupperberg

The first thing you’ve got to know is that while I write like “Terrance Strange,” I look like Leo Persky. Which makes sense since I am Leo Persky. Strange is my penname, as well as a bit of a family legacy. I’m an investigative reporter for Weekly World News, which also makes “strange” my profession. Just like my granddaddy before me (my daddy, between us, was a white goods salesman for Sears). Granddaddy was the first Persky to go by Terrance Strange for professional reasons, some to do with public relations, others with anti-Semitism; the name on his Russian birth certificate was Jakob.

I’m everything you think a Leo Persky might be. A solid five foot seven, one hundred and forty-two pounds of average, complete with glasses, too much nose, not enough chin, and a spreading bald spot that I swear isn’t the reason I always wear a hat. Just so you know how cruel genetics can be, grandpa Jakob, the Terrance Strange I should have been, was ten inches taller and eighty pounds heavier than me, movie star handsome, and a world renown traveler and adventurer. I’m also a traveler and adventurer, but since I’m short, scrawny, and ugly (traits acquired from my mother’s side), nobody knows who the hell Leo Persky is. Even the photo that I use at the top of my column is a 1943 Hollywood publicity shot of my grandfather. It was my editor’s idea to replace my face with someone else’s as he felt my real one would “probably repulse even our readers.”

If you’ve never seen Weekly World News you’ve probably never been in a supermarket checkout line. Of course, if you’re like most Americans, even if you have flipped through our photopacked black-and-white tabloid pages, you’ve probably dismissed the stories about extra-terrestrial visitors or the descendants of the Titanic still living in the wreck of the great ship as “fake news,” but—surprise!—every word we print is true. Except for the horoscope. We just make that stuff up.

Anyway, I’m a hard news guy. Remember the animal-vampire infestation in West Virginia? My story. The plot to replace the members of the Blue Man Group with renegade Holy Mimes from Venus? Mine! The story about the president’s dependence on orangutan gland-extract injections? Me! Which is why when night editor Rob Berger summoned me into his den to hand me my next assignment, I felt compelled to remind him:

“I’m a hard news guy, Rob.”

Rob was night editor for two reasons. The first was that he was likely some sort of vampiric life form unable to survive the cleansing light of the sun. The second was no one on the day side would work with him. Some of my colleagues argued that he only kept me alive to prolong my torment, but for all his lack of humanity, he was one hell of an editor. Me being his top writer, it was lucky for us both that I was made of sterner stuff and didn’t frighten easily.

“You’re my shoeshine boy if that’s what I want you to be, Persky.” Rob wore thick glasses that distorted his eyes behind the lenses, but after more than twenty years under his thumb . . . pardon me, in his employ, I had learned to read every inflection of his voice. Right now, he was giving serious thought to having his shoes shined. With my tongue.

“C’mon, boss, ‘Kh’leesberg’ is a gossip column story. Alien crash lands on Earth, alien meets trailer trash gal with stars in her eyes, alien and gal hatch human-alien hybrid brat, alien loses gal, Dr. Phil sprouts wood anticipating reuniting the happy family on live TV.”

“Frankly, my anticipation of your delivering a hard news Kh’leesberg headline to hike our circ is making me feel a little amorous myself.”

I recoiled and had to swallow down my rising gorge before I could say, “Oh, ick.”

“Don’t be a damned snob. You know why we care about Kh’leesberg?”

“No, why do we care about Kh’leesberg?”

To read the rest of “The Case of the Missing Alien Baby Mama” click here.

Love, Murder & Mayhem: Read it Now: A Matter of Principle

Lois Spangler’s “A Matter of Principle” is a future-set AI-inspired noir which asks: What if the murder centered around the affection and respect shown by a human to an android? What if that human treated this android like family? And what if other members of the family were not at all happy with that?

For answers, here’s an early look:

A Matter of Principle
By Lois Spangler

Dani emerged from the squad car, red and blue light reflecting faintly off the ambulatory AI’s pale blue synth-skin. It was just after 4 a.m., Sunday night to Monday morning, and a quiet time for this historic district and its flagship bar, Olivares.

“Morning, detective,” an older woman said to Dani. The woman’s sleeve bore the chevrons of extended police department service. Her nameplate read Garza. Beside her was P. O. Thurston, young and fresh out of the academy.

The look of awe in Thurston’s eyes was unmistakeable.

“Good morning,” Dani replied.

Garza jerked a thumb at the younger officer. “This is Roy Thurston. It’s his first week.”

“Hi,” Thurston said, extending a hand for Dani to shake, then thinking better of it. “I’ve, uh, never worked in the field with an ambulant AI.”

Dani’s head nodded with the softest hum of servos, a smooth, precise movement, a gesture meant to look just inhuman enough to pull Dani out of the uncanny valley, but friendly enough to feel genuine. Dani’s features were designed to do the same—humanlike, but distant enough to not feel like mimicry.

“Right,” Garza said. “So, we have one body, Jaime Camacho, son of Nestor Camacho. Deceased is in the cellar. Looks like he got crushed by a bunch of shelving, but you know the drill, too early to say. Nestor is the owner of this establishment.”

“Where does Olivia fit into all of this?” Dani asked. “Dispatch mentioned there was an ambulant by the name of Olivia who’s a witness?”

“She reported the incident.”

Dani blinked, a gesture of courtesy to indicate that she was accessing networks and files. “. . . An old and successively refurbished model. . . . I was unaware that there were any hospitality ambulants in the Historic District.”

“Technically she’s not hospitality,” Garza said. “Started as security, then industrial service. Stayed with the Camachos for a couple of generations at Olivares until she ended up as front of house. Retains her security designation, but her registration says most of that software’s deleted or overwritten.”

“Dispatch mentioned an electromagnetic pulse,” Dani said.

“Olivia is still functional?”

“Totally,” Thurston said, aware of how overexcited he sounded and still unable to stop it.

Garza flicked her fingers over her datapad screen. “The rest of the electronic media is borked, but Olivia’s okay, and she’s got some recorded material. The pulse was nasty. Jagged entry signal, overpowered. Total garage job. Scene crew’s taking bets on what kind of homemade popper they find.”

Dani waited a moment, in case there was more. “Did Olivia try to move the shelves off Jaime?” Thurston’s jaw juddered with an answer he didn’t have.

“She didn’t say anything about that, but she did seem a bit out of it,” Garza said. “I figured the EMP did some damage.”

To read the rest of “A Matter of Principle”, click here.

Love, Murder & Mayhem: Read it Now: Fractured

Robert Greenberger’s “Fractured” is a Mars-set love triangle pitting husband against wife, lover and against lover, challenging all to consider what really matters most to them, and why, with deadly results.

Here’s an early look:

Fractured
By Robert Greenberger

“It’s a wicked storm out there,” Lucas Connors said as he buttoned his shirt. He was still slightly sweaty and wanted to clean up, but he was running late. His wife, Bridget, was waiting for him and he suspected the mag lev “el” would run slowly as a precaution.

Having to go home undercut the sweet sensation he was trying to savor, the scent of Dev’s own sweat, mixed with his own, creating a unique, heady perfume.

Dev Bhatia sat up on his elbows, Lucas glowing as his lover studied him. Dev was lean and angular, with a rounded face and dark, brown eyes that melted Lucas’s heart. Bhatia was inventive in their lovemaking and Lucas couldn’t get enough of their time together. The problem, though, was it had to be limited. Each encounter had to be carefully orchestrated in advance, stealing time here and there, doing nothing to jeopardize his marriage or their working relationship. Both had met when they were asked to participate in planning the next stage of development in the Apollinaris Sulci. They found they had much in common at the initial planning sessions, which led to some one-on-one meetings, and before they realized it, the two men were each looking forward to the next meeting. A part of Bhatia realized the secrecy was a spice that added to the new relationship’s heat.

“You think Jinping will really pull out?” So typical of Dev to mix thoughts of sex with politics and their work.

“If they want any share of the minerals or habitat space, they’ll play along,” Lucas said. “I’m more worried about Gandhi. They want more than their share since their population is running out of control. You Indians can’t keep it in your pants.”

Dev’s long-fingered hand reached around him, playing with his chest hair as he tried to finish buttoning the shirt. He pressed against his back and Lucas leaned into him.

“There, it’s in my pants . . . for now. So, what are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?” But Lucas knew what Dev meant.

“About the budget; there’s not enough money coming from the other towns,” Dev said, trying to sound serious and businesslike but then let out a laugh. “Us, of course.”

Lucas had been mulling over that very question earlier in the day. And the night before. And the week before that. He loved Bridget, but there had been problems. He wasn’t sure if their marriage would last. And if those problems persisted, did he want something more committed with Dev? What did he want? plagued and stole sleep from him.

He decided to turn the question around. Taking the soft hand from inside his shirt, Lucas turned to meet Dev’s eyes. He saw in them the longing that he, too, often felt for him. “What do you want, Dev?”

“You,” he said and pressed his chin atop Lucas’ shoulder. “I want more of you, more time.”

“You want us to be public?”

“At least committed,” Dev said. Lucas turned and met his eyes.

“I want this to be something real, not two men furtively groping one another here and there. I see plenty of potential in you, Luke. And I don’t like to share.”

“I am never furtive,” Lucas said with mock seriousness, earning him an eye roll.

“But you are secretive. She doesn’t know about us, does she?”

To read the rest of “Fractured”, click here https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0998364118/associatizer-20/

Love, Murder & Mayhem: Read it Now: Reboot of Jennis Viatorem

Karissa Laurel’s “The Reboot of Jennis Viatorem” tells the story of a freighter pilot who retires from service to rescue her widowed son, a single father and chef on an entertainment vessel, accused of murder. A murder that may in fact be covering up an even bigger conspiracy, and revealing secrets that have torn their family apart for decades.

Here’s an early look:

The Reboot of Jennis Viatorem

By Karissa Laurel

What had first appeared as a distant prick of light on Jennis Viatorem’s view screen had grown into the oblong, riflebullet shape of the Fête. Light from a nearby star reflected off the cruise ship’s sleek surface, giving it a blue, spectral glow.

According to the transmission Jennis received as she initiated docking protocols, more than 5,000 guests and several hundred staff members currently resided aboard the luxury cruiser. Jennis drew in a deep breath and held it as she approached the docking bay. Compared to the open expanse of deep space she’d been roaming for nearly two years, she suspected joining the crowds aboard the Fête would make her feel like a particle of dust jammed in the nucleus of a comet.

A small photograph sat in the corner of the instrument panel in her cockpit. The edges had gone soft and yellow with age. Few people invested in printed pictures anymore, but she had wanted an image to carry with her always, regardless of battery power or communication signals. The photo of the little grinning boy, his brown cheeks dusted with flour and powdered sugar, had reminded her for decades of the reasons she couldn’t drift into the abyss and never return as she was sometimes tempted to do. His name was Charli, and he was her tether, her anchor, her son, and the source of her greatest guilt—a sentiment she had struggled to ignore for nearly thirty years. Presently, that tether was drawing her back to him, and remorse weighed heavy in her heart.

Gritting her teeth against a groan, Jennis rose from her cockpit and shuffled down the steps leading to the interior of her empty cargo-bay. She stroked the walls of the Humuli, her beloved ship.

With it, she had recently delivered a load of rations to a pioneer outpost on a terraformed planet in the Grable system. It was there that she had received the transmission from Charli that reeled her back in: Amerie was dead. Murdered. Poisoned by the soup on her supper tray.

A supper tray Charli had prepared himself in his five-star kitchen aboard the Fête where he lived and worked. Amerie had been the cruise ship’s chief mate in charge of cargo. She had also been his beloved wife of four years and the mother of their only child, Celestine. Although Charli had delivered that fatal meal, he was not the true culprit. The man who had framed Charli had been found, arrested, and was presently awaiting trial.

The moment the Humuli had settled inside the Fête’s massive hangar, Jennis’s crew made hasty farewells and disappeared into the cruse ship’s interior. The temptation of casinos, fresh food, and time away from each other had lured them like a siren enticing

those sailors of ancient legends. Jennis paused at the edge of Humuli’s lowered cargo ramp and watched the cruise staff scurry back and forth, escorting new arrivals and sending off departing guests.

The Fête regularly orbited exotic ports of call: planets terraformed to resemble tropical locales that had gone extinct on Earth. According to Charli’s last transmission, the Fête was currently en route to New Rio, where shuttles would cart tourists to a surface coated in sugar-sand beaches, palm trees, and crystalline blue waters.

“Mom?” From the crowded concourse emerged a young man wearing a distinctive double-breasted jacket—the kind chefs had adopted centuries ago and never abandoned despite decades of sartorial evolution.

Jennis painted on a smile and ignored the sharp pang that lanced her heart whenever she first saw her son after an extended absence. In her mind, she always pictured him as the chubbycheeked boy in the photograph, but in reality he had grown three feet, aged twenty years, and shed the roundness of early adolescence.

He looks so much like his damned father . . . Inherited his worst traits, too, it would seem.

To read the rest of “The Reboot of Jennis Viatorem”’ click here.

Love, Murder & Mayhem: Read it Now: A Goon’s Tale

Kelly Meding’s “A Goon’s Tale” chronicles Rocky Mills, a down-on-his luck insurance adjuster who just may be on his road from villain … to super villain. Where does it take him?

To find out, here’s an early look:

A GOON’S TALE

by Kelly Meding

“Got a live one for ya!”

Dick screeched out the words the moment Rocky Mills barreled into the office with coffee on his shirt and a lot of steam in his head. After an intensely crappy morning, Rocky wasn’t in the mood for another bad lead.

Rocky stopped in the middle of the small office space he shared with Dick Smalls at City Fields Insurance and took a deep breath so he didn’t snap at the guy first thing. Dick had been transferred into Rocky’s two-man division that handled Supersrelated insurance claims six months ago, after Rocky’s previous coworker was accepted into the Heroine Society as an apprentice, and Dick was a talkative pain in the ass. Constantly nattering about how much he loved this job, loved meeting clients, blah, blah, blah. He had no clue Rocky had taken the job out of necessity, not love.

Insurance adjuster was miles from where he’d planned to be at this point in life. Except Rocky knew firsthand how fast plans could change. Since Rocky was already in a crap mood, he took silent revenge by referring to his coworker in his head as Dick, instead of the insisted-upon Richard. The name Dick Smalls gave Rocky a secret smirk on his worst days.

“I sure hope you’ve got a live one for me,” Rocky said. “You know I don’t like life insurance or accident claims, not even for Supers incidents.”

“Home insurance claim from last night’s fight between Despair and The Resistor. Should be a good lead.”

Rocky glanced behind him at the still open door. Anyone could have walked by when Dick said “a good lead.” It was no wonder Dick was still a bronze-level Goon. Two levels below Rocky, who had finally achieved gold-level last year. It was the highest level Rocky could ascend to before apprenticing for actual Villain status.

SuperVillain status was his dream now, and almost everyone had to start from the bottom as a basic Goon. Very few exceptions shot right to SuperVillain nowadays. Too much competition, not enough talent. Rocky had the talent and the motivation. He needed the power that came with the Villain Guild in order to right a very important wrong.

Rocky shut the door to their shared office, then dropped into his desk chair. “I’m in no mood,” Rocky snapped. “My alarm didn’t go off, so I barely had time to shower. I spilled my coffee in the car, I have a flat tire I need to fix on my lunch break—and don’t get me started about the ride in just now—and I can’t even eat my damn lunch, since I left it at home because I was running late. If you’re over-selling this lead, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

“It’s for real, I promise.” Dick dumped a data sheet on Rocky’s desk. “Look at the guy’s address.”

Rocky picked up the sheet, then low-whistled. “Cherry Falls. Nice. The guy’s got credit for sure, if he can afford a place there.” Cherry Falls was one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Star City, and they didn’t have a lot of Supers insurance carriers out there, since Supers battles rarely spilled into that side of the city.

To read the rest of “A Goon’s Tale”, click here.

Love, Murder & Mayhem – Can You Really Go Back and Change Things?

“Make it didn’t happen.” This is the cry of a child when something bad occurs. Fix it! Do over! Make it all better!

And like the wish of any child, it’s primal. Undeniable. We want it so hard to be true.

Throughout history, human beings have often wanted for nothing more than a second chance. A hope that this spin of the wheel, they’ll get it right. This time, there won’t be any screw ups. Paying anything to roll the dice just one more time.

Don’t deny it. You’ve prayed for it, too.

And every once in a while, people get lucky. They get that shot at redemption. And some of them pull it off. They get to make right what once went wrong.

But oh so many fail. Given a chance to correct things, they make the same mistakes again. And if they had yet another chance, they make the same mistakes yet again.

You have to start to wonder if it’s fate.

Lots of stories make us wonder that all the time, and have been doing so ever since Oedipus started dating. Where all the efforts of good men and bad men, their hopes and their dreams, really don’t matter for much in an uncaring universe. And you start to wonder whether it’s fate, destiny, random chance, or if the fault truly is not in the stars, but in ourselves.

Time travel stories live and die on that same dilemma. Can you really go back and change things? Or is your very attempt to change things because of what you’re trying to prevent in the first place? And even if you know what supposed to happen to you in the future… can you change events? Can you change yourself? Or are you damned to do the same thing over and over again, because you can’t change yourself?

In my story, ‘Make It Didn’t Happen,” — appearing in the Crazy 8 Press anthology Love, Murder & Mayhem — we explore some of those ramifications. You may have your own beliefs about predestination versus free will. I have them myself. But you’re never really going to know which is right until you get the chance.

And the real hell of it is… you’re never really going to know whether it was a real chance to change over, or that you were going to do it all along.

Love, Murder & Mayhem is now available for sale both in print and ebook formats.

Glenn Hauman is uniquely qualified to be in this book, as his love life is mayhem and he’s soon to be murdered.

A founding member of Crazy 8 Press, he also writes, edits, colors comics, designs websites, designs books, performs marriages, reaches things on high shelves, changes lightbulbs, bats right, sings baritenor, snores loud, draws to inside straights, drinks too much DMD, and stays up way too late at night. Having come to the grisly realization that the New York Observer called him a “young Turk of publishing”  two decades ago, he now patiently awaits the sweet embrace of death. He is looking ahead to being killed by many contributors to this book with a candlestick, knife, lead pipe, revolver, rope, and wrench.

You can find out more at Glennhauman.com or by looking at his Wikipedia page. No, really, someone wrote up an entry for him. He can’t believe it either.

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